


The Hologram

by csaustin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Divergence - Star Wars Expanded Universe, Cover Art, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 13:26:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13214691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/csaustin/pseuds/csaustin
Summary: In the aftermath of the escape from Crait, Rey feels a strange warmth coming off a light haired woman in uniform.





	The Hologram

Rey rubbed the heels of her palms into her eyes and wished she could will away the cold that had crept into her bones. Around her, the galley of the Millennium Falcon was dark. Beings of at least eight different species were huddled together on the hard durasteel flooring. They were still fourteen hours and three hyperspace jumps from their destination.

It might have been an illusion, the cold.

Her whole body had thrummed with adrenaline as she slayed... No, that was wrong... As she fought the guards in Snoke's throne room with Ben Solo... No, that was wrong... With Kylo Ren at her back. She had been wrong about him. She had been right about him, too.

She had been skeptical about Luke's declarations of three lessons, but by the time she had left the island she had understood. Tapping into the Force took only the most basic guidance. It was always there, always waiting. She could feel it now, at all times. Figuring out what to do with it, that would take a lifetime. Now, after the battle, the constant flow of power had abated. She allowed the Force to pass through her like a gentle breeze might pass through her hair, no longer pulling it too her in a deluge like before.

It might have been the Falcon.

The old ship had more replacement parts than original ones. She'd seen a lot of Corellian light freighters in her day as a scavenger, but this one had at best twenty percent parts from Corellia. It was rigged to handle a small crew, seldom more than a pilot and copilot. She was guessing here, but it felt right. The environmental controls, if they were still fully functioning, were probably overcompensating for all the extra bodies on board. That could be it.

But it wasn't just that.

It started when the pilot Finn had told her about had introduced himself. Poe. Poe Dameron. They'd talked. He'd seemed elated she was alive. It was astonishing. She'd never met him before, but he was concerned about her well being. He'd smiled a slick smile that had made her blush and insisted BB-8 was a great judge of character. She'd made the mistake, then, of inquiring about his ship and his face had darkened. In the Force she could feel his whole body darken, really. He'd excused himself. Now, she could vaguely hear... No, that wasn't right. She could vaguely feel Poe and Chewie poking around in the ship's systems.

The cold wasn't everywhere, though.

Across from the dejarik board, a woman with light hair feigned sleep. Somehow, her cheeks seemed more rosy and her corner of the galley less dark than the others. Rey's feet shuffled towards the woman, her body on autopilot.

“May I... May I sit with you, miss?” Rey tried her most sweet, polite voice. Somehow, it seemed wrong to approach this woman with anything but the most humble manners.

The woman opened a single eye and pinched her eyebrows together in a comical display. She yawned, mostly for show, and patted the durasteel panel beside her. “It's a small ship,” the woman offered, “Why not?”

“I'm Rey,” Rey offered as she twisted her somewhat sore body to fall into a cross legged position beside the woman. “Are you a pilot?”

The woman laughed and it sounded like crystal to Rey's ears. The left side of her body seemed to thaw when the woman turned to face her.

“No... No, I'm not that crazy. I'm Kaydel. Or, Lieutenant Connix if you prefer formality. But, my husband has been dead for ten years. One of these days I should really get around to changing that...”

Kaydel hardly seemed old enough to be a widow, but then again Rey could admit to herself that her idea of what the real universe was supposed to be like had more to do with the old holofilms she'd scavenged off Imperial era ships than anything in life. She supposed anyone old enough to marry must be old enough to be a widow.

“I'm sorry for your loss,” offered Rey, because it seemed the right thing to say. But, it wasn't. The warmth started to fade from beside her. Faced with the strange cold again, Rey scrambled, “I didn't mean to...”

Kaydel held up her hands to silence Rey and shook her head, “You don't have to talk like that. Everyone on this ship has seen a thousand years of death.”

Rey nodded. “I guess... I'm... I'm still learning what it means to have someone to protect.” And it was true. Finn. Chewie. The general. The small droid BB-8 and his master. She found them worthy of affection and virtuous in a way she wanted to preserve, but she'd felt the same about Han Solo. And Luke Skywalker. And, in her hubris she could have almost seen herself watching over that fool Ben Solo.

The knowing smile that graced Kaydel's lips made Rey feel like a child. But, the warmth had returned and so she shoved that shy feeling down. She was startled slightly when Kaydel reached down and grabbed Rey by the hand, weaving their fingers together. They warmth suddenly flooded her body as though she had been plunged into a large bath, something she only remembered vaguely from hear early childhood. 

“No matter how much death there is, there's always beauty in the universe. There's always someone out there who needs your love and protection. I understand that now.” Kaydel seemed suddenly as weary and old as Luke, but as young and vibrant as Finn, all at once.

“Yes... I just... I feel like I've lost as many as I've gained. I've failed... I've...” Rey didn't have the words to say what she needed to say. She wanted to admit her failures. She wanted to let this weight go. But... but...

“So, don't say it in words?” Kaydel offered.

Rey felt her own head tilt to the side in puzzlement and alarm. She let her eyes slide closed and reached out with her feelings towards the woman beside her. The heat she radiated was indeed of the mind, not of the body. The Force wasn't strong, per se, but it seemed to gather around her in pools and eddys, like she was slowing it, but not controlling it.

“Are you...” Rey swallowed, choking back tears, “Are you like me?”

She felt desperation claw at her heart. It was the same sadness and loneliness that had driven her to reach out to Kylo Ren, to try with all her being to bring him to her side.

Kaydel seemed to send a burst of warmth her way at that, and she thrust out her arms out to pull Rey into a tight embrace.

“Oh, you're just like the General said! You're too kind for this war. Oh, I just want to hide you away in the cargo hold and never let anyone hurt you again.” Kaydel laughed and mumbled into Rey's hair.

“I don't understand...” Rey could see that this woman, this Kaydel, didn't have the control that Luke had, nor the depth of power Kylo Ren had, but she existed in the Force with more permanence than most.

“No, I can't do what you do.” Kaydel tried to let the young woman down gently. “Well, not everything. I'm better than most at sabacc, lucky when it counts, but I'm not like you. I'm not like... him.”

The weight of the statement hit Rey hard. Him. I'm not like him. She had worn her spite at Kylo Ren like a shield. But, this mention felt different. It felt wrong.

Kaydel sighed and reached into the neckline of her uniform and pulled out a clunky old holo projector. It was a low power model Rey had seen a million times. They held up better to abuse, even if they were a bit clunkier. A light flashed along the base indicated three saved images. Kaydel thumbed at the base's activator button.

The first image was of a long haired woman standing beside a Twi'lek man. Both were young. Too young. In the holo they held their joined hands out to the screen. Their fists were bound in a matrimonial knot of red cording. It was Kaydel, Rey assumed. Kaydel and her husband, the contributor of her surname Connix. Mr. and Mrs. Connix looked to be no older than their late teens. They must have run away from home and married young. Rey tried to bury her curiosity at how he had died. The hows didn't matter in loss, really. The caption below them, blurry in holo form, read only “Connix”.

Kaydel pushed the selector over and another image of a couple filled the air above the holo projector. This one was also a wedding of some sort. Another woman with long hair kissed a man in military leathers. They were older, but Rey could feel the significance of the image more than see it. She didn't want to even think the words, though. The caption read, “Solo”.

The final image was the one Rey felt she was supposed to see. In the holo two small children held each other and smiled. The same long hair graced the girl child, but the boy child had a messy mop on his head. His ears and grin were too big for his face. She knew that face. She wish she'd never seen that face. The caption read, “Jacen”.

“He called me 'Jaina' when no one was around,” Kaydel spoke, her voice far away, “It meant Grace in the language of the place we spent part of our childhood in. I called him 'Jacen'. Salvation. But that was another time.”

Rey struggled trying to come up with something to say. The general's daughter. Kaydel was the general's daughter, and Han's child, and Kylo Ren's twin. But, she felt so apart from it. “I met him. I could not save him.”

Once again Kaydel laughed. She laughed so hard tears pooled in the corner of her eyes and she shut down the holo projector to return it to it's previous position. “Save him from what, himself?!”

Rey found herself feeling suddenly angry with this woman. This woman who had everything, but had also lost it, Rey realized. Didn't she understand?

“Jacen... Ben. Ben was always what he was. And, what he was was a Skywalker. Not a one of us has ever made a good decision in our lives, I tell you. He made his bed years ago. And now he must lie in it.” The crystal was back in Kaydel's voice. There was no conflict there.

Rey gawked at Kaydel's honesty. But, she couldn't bring herself to pull away from this brazen woman. The turn of her eyes seemed so much like the general's, now. Rey must have looked very put out because Kaydel squeezed her hand, send a second burst of heat through the Force, and then leaned in and kissed Rey on the cheek.

“Stick with us, kid. Protect the ones you love.” And Kaydel gestured to where Finn sat, confused and concerned, at a wounded soldier's bedside. He'd called her 'Rose' when Rey had asked.

When Kaydel dropped her hand and stood to find 'something to snack on', the warmth somehow stayed.

 

 


End file.
